Don't Look Back
by Rubix84
Summary: To fulfill a request on tumblr. Rae and Finn set in 1998.


**A/N Inspired by a request on tumblr, written under the influence of pain medication. Hope you like!**

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I woke up this morning with… mixed feelings. Yes I think that's probably the best way to put it. It was a glorious day outside, the sky was clear and the sun was already beating down. It was one of those days where you can't help but be in a good mood. The sun does that to people don't you find? It was the perfect day for a road trip. The destination however troubled me a little. I opened my diary, which was as ever was sitting on my bedside table close at hand.

_Saturday 28__th__ April 1998_

_Today me and the gang are off to Manchester (scratch that and insert Madchester) to see Finn at uni. I'm sure we'll be larging it up big style…_

My stomach performed a little flip at the thought of seeing him. I did my best to ignore it. It was just a little strange remembering we broke up five months ago. It wasn't like this would be the first time I'd seen him since. He'd been home a couple of times and just like nothing had changed we had all ended up down the pub together as a group. See he was my best friend. Of course there was also the constant stream of emails zipping back and forth between us, just about stuff. Sometimes music, sometimes about what we had done that day, sometimes about nothing in particular at all.

Mid-morning and Chop arrived. "Raemundo, c'mon girl get your ass in to gear!" he hollered up the stairs to me, "it's time to get this show on the road."

"Yeah yeah I'm comin'," I shouted back. I gave my appearance one last critical glance, and sighed, whatever. Grabbing my bag I dashed down the stairs and out of the house. Outside Chop was leaning against his car, arms crossed, face tilted towards the sun. Izzy and Chloe were sitting on the back seat, when Chloe saw me coming she called through the open window, "finally Rae, we were about to give up on you."

Chop slapped a rhythm on the roof of his car in excitement, "right ladies lets do this!" He walked round the car getting in the drivers side, as I slipped into the passenger seat.

"Hey Rae," Finn embraced me with a quick hug, "you've had ye hair cut?"

I fingered my new shorter style, suddenly feeling self-conscious about my new look.

"It makes you look like that scary one from Shakespears Sister," he laughed.

"Cheeky bastard," I responded back, and just like that I knew we would be okay. It was just Finn. My best mate Finn. I grabbed a hug with Archie as I entered the student flat. "You ready to get this party started?" I asked him.

All night long me and Finn traded barbs and insults, but that had always been our way. We joked and laughed and barely left each other's side, Finn dragging me up for a dance at one point. Chloe had disappeared off to chat to a group of Finn's single mates, and Archie was engaged in some Mario battle on the Nintendo, but I was aware of Chop and Izzy watching us and whispering between themselves. When I popped in the kitchen to grab another drink Izzy appeared by my side.

"Rae, what's goin' on with you and Finn?" she asked conspiratorially.

"What? Nothing," I laughed.

"Seriously you are all over each other."  
"Nah, we're just catching up."

But when I returned and Finn sidled back up to me the buzz of electricity became so palpable it felt like my whole body was buzzing with it. I wondered if Finn could feel it too.

"Umm Rae," he piped up as the party began to wind down, "y'should come an' check out me new records." He grabbed my hand pulling me off the sofa we had collapsed down on together, dragging me towards the bedrooms at the other end of the corridor.

His bedroom seemed familiar to me, even though I had never been here before. I looked around, smiling at some of the posters on the walls, which I recognised from his bedroom back home, I fondly ran my fingers over the strings of his guitar propped up in the corner, remembering how Finn used to try and make up songs for me, they were normally rubbish but that didn't matter. I smiled at the single picture on his nightstand, of the six of us right before him and Archie went off to university.

"Right you," I turned around, "where are these new records of yours, they best not be crap," I said in mock warning. I took a surprised step back when I realised he was standing directly behind me.

"Umm," he rubbed at the back of his neck, "in that cupboard over there" he pointed, then walked over flinging the door open. I walked over to join him and there again a spark ignited tingling all over my skin. I did my best to concentrate on the records he was showing me, but this close all I could think about was the smell of alcohol and cigarettes on his breath, and what memories that conjured up. Silently I flicked through his collection, the crackle of energy filling my senses, and I was sure I could feel his gaze on me.

"Rae," he murmured. His eyes were averted, but I could see the desire burning there, and hear it in the huskiness of his voice. I knew what his asking me, just with that one syllable. When I didn't respond immediately he turned the full power of those dark eyes of his on me, I felt like I was going to drown in them such was their intensity. I opened my mouth to say something, but all I heard was silence and the heavy breathing of two people on the verge of something great. Or possibly stupid. I muffled a squeak as I felt Finn gently tracing letters on my hip R-A-E-? In my current heightened state each stroke of his finger felt like it was slicing to my very core.

"Do you remember this?" he laughed lowly. How could I forget, our secret language, wherever we had been whatever we had been doing we had always been connected with shared thoughts and observations, special just to us. I could feel any power of resistance I might have had rapidly evaporating. All I had to do was turn my head slightly, his lips were so inviting, and from there…

"Finn," I whispered, "what're we doing?" This was crazy, my head was yelling at me that this was a very bad idea, but his lips were like a magnet to me, to strong for me to resist. With an aggravated sigh at him for tempting me and at myself for crumbling I pressed my mouth to his. It was like coming home. After that I couldn't give two tosses about what my head said, my body was in charge.

My hands automatically snaked up to move through his hair, as he moved forward trapping me between the wall and his body. It was like we had never been apart, the way he sucked and nipped at my bottom lip until I darted my tongue out inviting his in, it was like a well-rehearsed dance. But the explosion of sensations I felt were just as strong as they had ever been, and more so. The passage of time seemed to have magnified every move, kiss, breath, touch ten-fold. When he moaned my name into my mouth I thought for sure my legs would give way beneath me, except for the weight of his body keeping me pressed back against the wall.

"Rae," he rasped, "I want you," and with a small nod on my part, still wrapped together, as if we didn't dare break the spell, we made it to the bed on the other side of the room. Half lying half falling we landed on it together, only breaking our kiss to inhale much needed oxygen. Finn's hand moved slowly, but purposefully down my body, causing me to arch beneath him. Again and again he repeated the action. "Finn," I gasped, if I'd had any lingering doubts about the sanity of this situation they had well and truly flown the coop, I was resigned to my fate now, eager for it. Who the hell cared when this amazing man was taking me to the edge?

Clothes were removed quickly and without ceremony. And then Finn was looking at me that way. The way that had always made me feel like the most beautiful girl in the world. I felt like my heart was going to burst. His expert fingers caused me to arch again as I desperately tried to stifle my moans by kissing him hard. I luxouriated in reacquainting myself with his body, not leaving one square inch untouched by my hands. There together we soared to the highest high, before spiralling down and down, until I couldn't even remember my own name. His though fell from my mouth in a mantra as he nuzzled my neck with a sort of untamed urgency. Finn. Finn. Finn.

I gingerly opened my eyes. Christ I had one hell of a hangover. My head felt like a brass band were trooping through it. Next to me Rae was asleep. She looked so peaceful, so beautiful, it almost hurt to look at her. I needed paracetamol, a cup of tea, a smoke, and a place to think. Carefully I extracted myself from the bed, laying a gentle kiss on Rae's forehead so as not to wake her. I slipped on a pair of jeans, and grabbed my sunglasses. Half stumbling down the corridor to the kitchen, I realised the flat seemed to be littered with sleeping bodies, and mess everywhere. I sighed at the prospect at cleaning up later, but my immediate concern was getting the kettle on and hunting down some painkillers.

Tea made I slipped my shades on and left the flat, going outside for some fresh air. I flopped down on a grassy mound, taking a sip of my tea, lighted a cigarette and waited for the world to stop spinning. After about five minutes a looming shadow alerted me to somebody approaching. I glanced up to see Chop sitting down next to me.

"Morning," I greeted him groggily.

"Man what y'doin'?" Chop questioned me. I took a long drag of my cigarette, exhaling the smoke slowly. I looked up at Chop puzzled.

"What you talkin' about?"

"You and Rae man?!"

"What?"

"Last night, you two weren't exactly… subtle," Chop made a lewd hand gesture. The colour drained from my face.

"Fuck, you heard?!"

"Yeah mate, so what the hell is goin' on? 'cos y'know I love that girl…" Chop left the threat implied.

"Ugh." I let my head fall into my hands. I couldn't think straight right now. After a moment or two I sensed Chop get up and leave. I took another long drag on my cigarette waiting for the claming effect to take hold. A quiet voice from behind startled me.

"Finn?" I swivelled to see Rae standing there. Her hair was adorably mused and I craved to run my fingers through it. She stood there a minute looking awkward, before obviously coming to some sort of internal decision and plopping herself down next to me. She had her shades on, and she cupped her hand over her face to stop the glare of the sun. I wished I could see her eyes, so I knew what she was thinking.

"Finn," her voice seemed small and very un-Rae, "we're okay right?"

I nodded as she continued, "I mean we haven't just completely fucked up have we," she paused licking her lips, "we're still mates right?"

'Mates' the word cut through me like a knife. There were so many things I wanted to say to her, but as per usual my stupid brain would not co-operate. Then I remembered a conversation we had once had, right at the beginning, when I first started falling for her. Because Rae always knew the right words.

"Rae," I started, "Maybe I don't want to be your friend." I wished again I could see her eyes as I waited for a reaction. A wry smile spread over her face.

"Very cute Finn Nelson," she laughed small. Had she not understood me. I dared to reach my hand out to her and carefully and deliberately with my index finger began to write on her arm.

I-M-S-E-R-I-O-U-S

I sensed her catch her breath and turn to look at me. "But…" she started. I shut her down with a kiss, I was far too hungover to go into a post mortem on why right now, all I knew was it had to be. I smiled as I felt her reciprocate my kiss. That was all I needed for now.


End file.
